Codependency

A friend asked yesterday what I’m letting go of that day (I’m in the middle of my spring cleanse, external and internal), and my answer was Co-dependency.

And this morning I opened up my eyes with a realisation that my sweetest doggie Daisy is my most veritable teacher that came to teach me this.
She’s co-dependency free, and has it down to a T.

You see, co-dependency has been my way of being since quite an early age. I can clearly trace it to being aged 1 and a half, but I think it probably goes back further than that.

For me, it was allways a distinct sensation which I can now identify with what’s observed as co-dependency by experts. But for years that sensation, that feeling was always mistakenly identified by me as Love. Now I know better, I know it is not love.

I have come to understand the actual source of this sensation to be the literal displacement of my own energetic body, my soulful self, out of my physical body. And often in that state, transferred fully onto another object. Onto another. It could be in a form of a need for approval or validation, or worrying about others, or not being able to say no without feeling guilty, or inability to prioritise one’s needs first.

That feeling of what I thought was ‘love’ is simply a feeling of displacement. of almost tangible discomfort or pain of separation from our own physical self.

It is the actual felt sense of our body in distress and signaling this disconnect, while we are busy displacing our energetic part of self, ‘hooking’ our soulful self onto another, hoping for the relief it will give

Which it does for a short moment. Or so we think. The trouble is we need to rely on this to be a constant state. Which is impossible.

Our body needs our soulful self to be fully anchored in it, otherwise it is not fully supported and will suffer pain and disease eventually, sooner than later. So it alerts us readily. But our mind can not always interpret this call appropriately.

We can observe how widespread this issue has been in our society for millennia – terms like ‘better half’ all point quite distinctly to the society with co-dependency at its core.

All of those songs declaring ‘I can’t live without you’ come from that place of displacement too.

One of my teachers, Dr Sue Morter calls this ‘object-subject-object’ state. What we want is to be able to stay in ‘subject’ place, eg in our own body so that we are no longer dispersing our energies, and landing them onto external ‘objects’ of our attention, eg other people, but instead we remain physically present, staying fully embodied in our own physical body.


This displacement happens due to a traumatic event, or a number of traumatic events, such is often in a family where there is generational issue with unprocessed hurt.

It is quite prevalent, more so than most of us can imagine in fact.

I observe different levels of lack of this disembodiment in my yoga students regularly. Their ages vary from 20 to 92. Across generations.

I bet that you are experiencing a similar level of this disembodiment right now too.
For instance, can you easily feel your feet right this very moment – without having to resort to wiggling your toes perhaps – but actually feel your soles from the inside, and the tops of the feet. Can you feel how the fabric of your socks if you’re wearing some touches your skin? Can you feel the distinct spaces between your toes,and the places where toes touch and commingle snuggly? and the pads of your toes?

Most people have to take a bit of time, and wiggle their toes and articulate their ankles this way and that before they can get a faintest real sense of their feet.

We are chronically disembodied, most of us at least.

And this disembodiment causes a constant sense of being unsettled in ourselves, of not being at ease, which varies from person to person – some feel it as anxiety, or loneliness, or sadness, or grief, worry, stress, boredom or even pain.

These feelings of uneasiness often lead to patterns of behaviour/choices we make that ultimately lead to even greater suffering and pain.

We want to learn to be fully present in our body. And do so deliberately. Practices like yoga and certain specific breathing practices teach us how to anchor, literally tether our soulful self all the way in, so that we may begin our journey as the fully embodied being on this beautiful planet earth, and learn to live in accordance with our souls longing and make choices and act from that place of integrity and real Love.

World really takes on the yummy shade of vibrant blazing pink then. And suddenly everything is just perfect.

It’s really worth your while, I promise!

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